I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Found the puke drawer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
