Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
