I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
