You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
