So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
