If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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