You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize