Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
