True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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