New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
