I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We're too hungover to prance.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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