apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
