Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
