Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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