I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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