Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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