you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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