I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
