just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
