yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
