At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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