You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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