watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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