I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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