i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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