I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just google imaged poop.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
