I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
