we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
