I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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