There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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