so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've blown a few things in my day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
