I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
