so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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