1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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