who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize