he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
