so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
