She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There are leaves in my underwear?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
