he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
