At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
