i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
