I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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