Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
