he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
