Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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