I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
