Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
