I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
