no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize