last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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