I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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