He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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