I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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