I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
