I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
