I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
