I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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