I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My cat gives me a boner
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
