he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
