Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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