I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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