i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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