remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
