I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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