my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
