How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
