She went from zero to smokin in five shots
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
