Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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