fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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