wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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