What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't deserve a penis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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