Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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