Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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