you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
