I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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