Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
