Only a mothe r could love this liver
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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