I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
