question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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