My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
